Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just forgot I was standing up.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
