I just threw up on my dentist
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
