The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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