Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
