what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
