I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
