Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
