we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
