i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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