how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
