I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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