fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
