remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
