if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
