Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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