my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
