don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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