Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I deserve this hangover.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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