No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
