Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
