My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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