Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
