Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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