tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
