I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
