trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
