So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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