Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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