You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
