my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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