gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
