Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
