I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
