Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
