The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
