You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize