he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
