I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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