Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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