You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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