my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
