Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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