she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
