I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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