Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
