that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
