i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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