I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize