do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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