i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you never un-have a 4some
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
