I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
