i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
