I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I queefed so loud it echoed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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