Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
now i know why i became what i already was.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got inside last night via doggy door
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
