some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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