I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
