Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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