smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
