Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's get the cat blown out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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