woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
