I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
