Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
