He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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