His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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