I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
