so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
