What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
