you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
