I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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