It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
