So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
