Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
