I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
