nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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